6 Tips To Manage Conflict Between Staff Members

Contrary to the popular phrase “ignorance is bliss”, it’s not – especially if you’re the manager of two workers who genuinely don’t get along. When two employees hate each other, their animosity can turn a healthy working environment into a cancer ward. Whatever the reason, it is in everyone’s best interest to address and resolve the matter as quickly as possible.

Co-worker conflict will always come up; no-one can be everyone’s best friend. But co-workers need to be civil and able to work together. The longer the dislike endures, the more likely it is that it will hurt their productivity and that of those around them.

Some would argue that creative tension among peers and co-workers can yield superior results due to the competition and rivalry that is formed. While this might be true in some situations on a project basis, in a day-to-day sense, it can easily establish a permanent us-versus-them culture that devolves into conflict.

If the conflict is among hourly workers, you might be inclined to ignore the spat, or perhaps discipline the employees if it has affected their performance. You may even just let one or both of them go to avoid the drama. However, when the feud is between professional staff, the situation becomes more complicated. And when the conflict is between peers who are vying for an upcoming vacancy due to executive succession planning, emotions and ambitions can get the best of us.

Dislike among workers can stem from any number of work- or nonwork-related issues. Perhaps they’re from different social circles or have differing backgrounds; it could be the way they do (or don’t do) their work; or something trivial such as the sound of their voice or malodorous lunch they eat in your vicinity. No matter the reason, you need to address it – and fast.

You’ve probably encountered people in your personal or professional lives who always seem to be mired in drama and have a knack for dragging others into their issues. If you think “Here we go again” regarding one of the employees involved in the conflict, then that’s probably a sign that the person needs to change their attitude or be sacrificed.
Here’s another thought: if you allow co-worker conflict to linger without addressing it, one of the workers (or both, or an uninvolved third worker) could go around you to your boss, making an uncomfortable situation worse. The implications will be clear: “This was brought to the manager’s attention, and they either chose to ignore it, or didn’t know how to deal with it. They’re incompetent”. This could backfire on them, but the damage to your reputation will be done.

6 outcomes of co-worker conflict

Once you’ve been made aware of your employees not getting along, here are 6 possible outcomes of resolving conflict among co-workers:

1. Both parties work out their differences, rise above, and move on
2. Both parties agree to disagree, but get past it and move on
3. Both parties say they’ve moved on, but one or both secretly harbor continued ill will. Negativity lurks and performance soon begins to dip
4. One party sucks it up and acquiesces while the other seemingly “wins”. Conflict could continue
5. The “wrong” party won’t budge and needs to be removed from the department and possibly let go
6. The situation damages both workers and both leave

Tips for resolving and avoiding co-worker conflict

Each situation will be different, but here are some ways to deal with feuding employees and try to avoid it in the future:

1. Meet with the feuding co-workers to see if you can remedy the situation. Do this quickly to avoid letting it fester and spiral out of control.
2. Alert your boss to the situation so that they’re not blindsided by any necessary disciplinary actions now or in the future.
3. Involve HR as necessary, which could be as an independent mediator, to put difficult employees on notice or probation, or to begin the process of transferring the troublemakers to another department or location.
4. Advocate an environment of respect, tolerance, and civility in the office.
5. Maintain an open dialogue with your employees. Freely sharing information and updates on the company and department will quell the need for gossip and rumours.
6. Review your policies on use of company email and social media sites. Some disgruntled employees will take their rants online either within or outside of the company. Know your company’s electronic media policies and communicate them with all employees.

Guest Author
Profiles International is the world leader in selecting and developing high-performance workforces through innovative human resource management solutions and a comprehensive suite of employment assessments that help companies gain competitive advantage by selecting, hiring, retaining and developing great talent. For further information Phone: (800) 960-9612; or visit the Website: http://www.profilesinternational.com

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Moving From Conflict To A Win / Win Outcome

Conflict comes about when two or more people hold different views, and one or more have to be right or get their own way. The result is often heated arguments, with someone saying things they may later regret. Conflict is going to arise in your life, whether you like or not. If you’d like to avoid conflict – and achieve a win / win outcome – it’s important to develop the skills needed to negotiate this.

The destructive power of arguments

While most people hate arguing, it’s something everyone does. The problem is, they often become heated and can have devastating results.

Voices are raised and bad things are said. There can be name-calling and degrading the other person – both of which are later regretted or remembered for life. The ones who say they don’t argue are the ones who hate arguing or will do anything to avoid conflict. They suffer in silence.

So, if arguments are so destructive …

Why do people argue?

Arguments occur when two or more people hold different opinions and they both hold the belief they are right and the other person is wrong. Let’s go back a step. When you have a different opinion with another, there are four possible outcomes:

1. Win / Win 

   You both win. You are both happy. You do things for yourself and for others.

2. Win / Lose You win and the other person loses. You are happy and they aren’t. You do things for yourself only and care little about others (even though you may say you do).
3. Lose / Win 

   You lose and the other person wins. They are happy and you’re not. You do things for others and don’t consider yourself.

4. Lose / Lose  

   You are both unhappy. Nothing happens for you or the other person.

Obviously, the best outcome is Win / Win.

When you argue, you are doing three things: 

1. Defending what you know 

   While you are doing this you are not listening to what the other person is saying. 

2. Trying to prove you are right And the other person is wrong. 
3. Being selfish 

   First, you are saying you are right and the other person is wrong (Win / Lose). Second, you are trying to change the other person into believing what you believe. You are not allowing them to have their own beliefs and this is selfish and produces a Win / Lose.

When you argue, you are hoping for a Win / Win (provided they agree with you) yet are selecting a Win / Lose when they fail to agree with you.

One of the biggest needs people have is the need to be right. When you are right, not only do you feel good, you unconsciously think others will also feel good about you.

The whole function of arguing is to convince another person to agree with you. What can often begin as a disagreement can lead to raised voices, which, if a result is not found, often leads to yelling and can even lead to verbal abuse and physical violence. Throw in some stubbornness and this really generates some heat.

When two stubborn people argue, it’s often “a battle to the death” as neither will give in. Stubborn people have to be right at all costs so are selfish when in an argument. Sometimes one is stubborn and the other not. The person who isn’t stubborn will give in (producing a Lose / Win) as “it’s not worth arguing” and will feel resentful they are not being heard.

Which begs the question …

Who wins an argument?

The answer is “no-one” or “the strongest” – with the most common outcome being a Lose / Lose.

Think of times when you argue. What is the result? And what effect does this have on either yourself or the person you are arguing with?

You may be a person that has to win at all costs or a person who hates confrontation and refuses to argue. You may give in to keep the peace and hold resentment because your thoughts are not valued. All of these produce a detrimental result.

So, what is the solution?

When two people hold different opinions, who is right?

They both are. You only have to ask them. Each will say they are right for what they believe and the reasons why.

Attempting to convince them to change may not work (as they think they are right). 

How to achieve a win / win

1. Understand – they are rightWhen someone holds a different point of view to you, they are right. You simply have to ask them. Attempting to prove you are right and they are wrong is only going to fuel the conflict.They are right for them. They are right for the knowledge they have. That doesn’t mean they are going to be right for you. 
2. Identify why the other person thinks the way they do and ask questions to discover why this is so 

   Questions like “Why do you think this would work better than that?” and “That’s a good point. Can I ask what caused you to come to that conclusion?”.

   Here’s some points to keep in mind:
    

   • Place a positive statement before the enquiry
     
     “That’s a good point. Can I ask …”, “I can partially see how that can work. Can you please explain to me …” and “I can see the need for …”.This helps validate what the other person is saying. It helps get them on side. 
   • Ask questions with an enquiring tone
     
     Most ask, especially if they are trying to win the argument, in a sarcastic or degrading tone. For example, ask out loud “Why would that work?” in a degrading way, emphasising the “why” and “that”. What’s it sound like?Now ask in an enquiring way: “That’s a good point. Can I please ask why you think that would work?”The second one is more likely to gain a good response. If you listen to the way people respond to your question, it often gives you feedback on the way you have asked it.
   • You are attempting to get the other person to enter into conversation so the nicer you are, the more likely they are to reciprocateAttempting to convince them to change may not work (as they think they are right). To get them to see another perspective, ask questions like “Do you think … (this) … could work or is a possibility?”. By asking the right questions, you get them to discover there could be another possibility.When people come up with the answer (as against you telling them), they feel good. 
3. Be willing to move on 

   If you ask the question “Could something different work?” and they emphatically say “No”, there is a good possibility they are stuck with what they think and are not prepared to look beyond that (stubborn). Accept this and:
    

   • Be prepared to move on by changing the topic of conversation
     
     Trying to convince them they are wrong may only lead to more arguing. 
   • Know that you have some valid points
     
     If they fail to agree, it does not mean you are wrong. You have not lost the argument. Keep your self worth up by knowing you can help, you do have something to contribute. 
   • Ask “If your way fails to work, would you be happy to look at my way?”
     
     Nearly everyone will say “Yes”. 
4. Brainstorm possible solutionsThis is particularly so when you are looking for a solution that is best for your relationship, group or business.What’s right for the relationship, group or business is more important than what is right for you.

   For example, in a relationship, if you want to be right all the time, your partner will hold resentment towards you. If you have to always be right, go live all by yourself, because then you can do whatever you like, whenever you like, for as long as you like to whoever you like and no-one cares. You only have to consider yourself.

   Once you bring another person on board, you now have to consider them. Failure to do so will often mean they won’t be around for long.

   To brainstorm, ask questions like “What are all the possibilities here?”.

   Write them down and pick one that best suits the relationship, group or business. Leave your ego out of it. It’s the part that says you have to be right (selfish).

   I’m amazed at how many businesses I consult with who do what’s best for them personally rather than identify what is best for the business. After all, if the business succeeds, so does the individual. If the relationship succeeds, so does the individual.

Guest Author:

Clive Murphy is the Principal of the Clive Murphy Self Empowerment Centre, a product, coaching and seminar business that empowers people to achieve their life potential. He is the author of four books relating to confidence, self esteem, relationships, motivation to lose weight and controlling how you feel.

 

Republished from CEO Online – your online business resource – www.ceoonline.com. Get valuable business tips and easy-to-read articles delivered direct to your inbox. Register NOW for your copy of CEO Online’s FREE e-newsletter: http://www.ceoonline.com.au/subscribe/

Top Tips For Delivering Authentic Presentations

The most positive, memorable presentations are the ones that are authentic. When we deliver an authentic presentation, who we are shines through. We connect with our audience. We inspire and engage … and we make a difference. These are powerful tools in any leaders toolbox.

You’ve probably received advice at some point about modifying pitch, volume and gestures when presenting. Perhaps you were told that you spoke too fast, that you needed to speak louder, or that you were fidgeting and speaking concurrently.

But simply changing your pitch, volume or gestures is like putting new tyres or a rear spoiler on an old car and expecting it to run in the Grand Prix. These alterations will never make a big impact on the whole car and what’s more, they look out of place.

Similarly, when you focus on the ‘externalities’ of your presentations and try to slow down your speech, modulate your pitch or stop doing what you were doing with your hands, you feel awkward and your presentation isn’t significantly improved.  In fact, the more you try to change these things, the less authentic and more uncomfortable you become.

There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to presentations. There is no perfect speed, pitch, or combination of gestures. Our presentations are as unique as we are. Hence why we need to look beyond traditional fixes to develop this most important leadership skill.

• Don’t try to relax

  So many people think they should relax when giving a presentation. As a result they try to relax … and then they ‘try’ harder. ‘Trying’ turns into ‘stressing’, and into techniques like taking a deep breath. Wrong!

  Imagine that you have to walk on to a platform to deliver a speech, and then take a deep breath to relax … If you’re like 99.99999% of people, the breath you took with that picture in your mind, was a high, tight breath in your chest that did absolutely NOTHING to relax you, and only puffed out your chest making you look more uncomfortable and feel more tight.

  Accept that presenting is not about relaxing and harness that nervous energy into an enlivened presentation.

  Tip: Take the nervous energy you may feel before presenting and use it to blow a big breath out and shake out the nervous tension in your arms and upper body.

• Incorporate purposeful movement into your presentations
  Purposeful movement is a key component of authentic presentations. Movement is important in facilitating the breath which keeps your voice strong.  When you freeze up – usually out of nerves – the flow of your breath gets blocked, and you lose significant power in your voice. 

  The trick to getting around this is to MOVE. Lift your arms off your body. Use gestures. Move to different parts of your presentation area. Smile. Movement will keep the air flowing, prevent your body from jamming up, and will have the increased benefit of keeping your thoughts fluid as well.

  Tip: Create places in your presentation area that become anchors for different parts of your presentation. For example: past, present, future, or concept 1, 2 and 3. Physically go to and / or gesture to those places when referring to those parts of your presentation.

• Get your rest position right

  When you are under stress, your body tends to move into a ‘default’ stress position. This can be head cocked up, neck jammed back, shoulders stooped, knee lifted and standing on one foot … all of these default positions give off a message or impression about you, and they are generally not positive.

  A cocked head conveys aggression or a know-it-all attitude. Stooped shoulders conveys lack of confidence. Neck jammed back says ‘defensive’.  The point here, is that these are default positions that we fall into, and not ones that we actively choose. Who would choose to look defensive?

  Discovering your personal stress position can be a true eye-opener about your subtle reaction to handling stress and where you may be vulnerable. 

  Tip: Create a neutral rest position that you can purposefully move into during question time, moments of pausing or times when you need to gather your thoughts.

• Stop telling
  
  We fall into classic traps in presentations where we think it’s about us, our confidence and what we’re ‘telling’. When we approach a presentation with this attitude, we put ourselves on the back foot when it comes to connecting with and inspiring our audience.

  Stop telling! When you ‘tell’ people what you are going to ‘tell’ them, it’s an immediate mental turn off. Shift your focus and your language from what you are going to ‘tell’ your audience, to what they are going to learn, do or buy.

  A second benefit to the ‘stop telling’ model, is that it shifts focus and pressure off you and your prowess as a speaker. When you put the focus on your audience’s needs and desires, you can free yourself up to meet them in the most engaging and connected way possible. 

  Tip:  Shift your focus and your language from what you are going to ‘tell’ your audience, to what they are going to learn, do or buy.

Summary

Authentic presentation is about connecting with and engaging your audience, being open, and sharing your knowledge, thoughts and ideas. While you may approach your presentations in this way, your old gestures and habits may sabotage your true intentions. Your voice can say, ‘lacking confidence’, your body language can say ‘defensive’,  your gestures can say ‘aggression’, and your words can say, ‘it’s about me, not you’.

By applying these tips to delivering authentic presentations, you can overcome your habitual patterns and reflect the intention and meaning you want to convey in your presentations, and, as a result, become more authentically yourself in front of others.

Guest Author:

Dr Louise Mahler is the founder of Vocal Intelligence. Louise’s work bridges the worlds of art and business, and through her PhD she has identified the rules of authentic communication.

 

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Resolving Workplace Conflict

Work relationships are never conflict free. Indeed, I would say that HEALTHY relationships are never conflict free BUT they are conflict resolving. Here are some practical insights for your workplace conflicts that ensure your relationship wins.

The problem is, we fight for victories instead of fighting for solutions. The result is one wins, one loses, and the relationship suffers. Instead, utilise these tactics:

Understand the nature of conflict

Conflicts are inevitable. They’re inevitable because work relationships bring different people together who see things differently. As marriage counselor Gary Smalley puts it, “During those first years of marriage, what one partner finds an absolute necessity, the other views as an unnecessary luxury”.

Conflicts are normal. They’re normal because all relationships, even great ones, experience them.

Conflicts are potentially beneficial. They’re potentially beneficial because when they’re handled effectively, better solutions are found and relationships are strengthened.

Choose the right “style” of conflict resolution

You’ve got three choices: avoid, attack, or approach. Choose the “correct” approach style.

1. The “avoid” conflict resolution approach

   In the “avoid” style, you “don’t want to rock the boat”. You want to “let sleeping dogs lie”. You fear confrontation, so you bury your feelings, not realising your feelings will eventually come out somewhere … somehow. You clam up, letting your negative feelings build up, until you blow up, hurting yourself or the other person physically or emotionally. Meanwhile, the offenses accumulate, unaddressed issues multiply, and the unfinished business erodes your relationship.

2. The “attack” conflict resolution approach

   In the “attack” style, you do your best to “get them before they get you”. You are a ruthless fighter who refuses to give in. You attack the other person, which more often than not invites counterattack. Both sides dig in and nothing gets resolved.

3. The “approach” conflict resolution approach

   In the “approach” style, you are assertive. You confront the issue without blaming the other person. Indeed, you’re sensitive to the other person’s feelings, and you invite them to join you in solving the problem and saving the relationship. In almost all cases, I recommend the “approach” style.

And with that style in hand, you need to match up your particular “type” of conflict resolution with the “strategy” that works best with that “type”.

“Types” of conflict you experience

1. With “simple” conflict, use fact finding

   The first of four types is called “simple” conflict – because two or more people want different things. That’s pretty basic when you think about it. It may be that the boss wants to implement a new procedure, but the staff thinks the old way is good enough.

   In simple conflict, focus on fact finding. Propose a straightforward statement of the problem that quickly, clearly, and concisely summarises the issue. A straightforward statement might sound like this: “So you want a compensation system that recognises merit, and I want the system to be based on seniority? Is that the issue?” Once you agree on the definition of the problem, get all the relevant facts and all the pros and cons out on the table. And then keep on talking until you find a solution that both of you can feel pretty good about. 

2. With “false” conflict, eliminate your assumptions

   In “false” conflict, two or more people “think” they have a disagreement when they really don’t. They just misunderstand each other. For example, I remember a manager who said she would “get right back to” her colleague, but the colleague became rather angry when the manager got back to her the next day.

   Well, what does “get right back to you” mean? An hour? A day? Or a week?

   False conflict should be the easiest kind of conflict to resolve because there really isn’t anything to resolve. It’s just a matter of clarifying a situation, and everything is okay. The problem lies in the fact that people assume they understand each other.

   Stop assuming! If the other person says something that sounds a little vague, that could be misconstrued, that sounds “off” or confusing, check it out. Say “I’m not sure I understand” or “I’d like to know more about that”. Ask for clarification. Use active listening. Play back what you think the other person is saying, and you’ll find these kinds of conflicts magically disappearing.

3. With “ego” conflict, show empathy

   An “ego” conflict exists when someone feels attacked, slighted, or put down. Somehow their self-esteem has been diminished by another person’s words or actions, and now they feel the need to defend themself or counterattack. For example, a team member might label another team member’s idea as “just plain ridiculous”, to which they are told, “You never respect anybody’s ideas except your own”.

   In ego conflict, you need to diminish the defensiveness. After all, when a person feels disrespected, they’re going to get somewhat defensive until they are once again reassured of their value. And you do that by showing empathy. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try to see the world from their perspective. Try to understand their pressures, responsibilities, expectations, and demands. The more empathy you show, the less defensive the other person will be.

   Structure some conflict resolution time. Structure it where one person speaks, sharing what they think, feel, and want – without any interruption – while the other person just listens respectfully. And then repeat the same structure with the second person.

   If that seems too difficult, if there’s too much “heat” in the room, take a cooling-off period. Put your discussion “on hold” for an hour, a day, or a week – whatever you need so you can calm down, gain some perspective, and prevent yourself from saying anything else that might enrage the other person or damage your relationship.

4. With “value” conflict, look for common ground

   A “value” conflict exists when there are sharp disagreements over what is considered to be good or bad. At work, there may be a value conflict between what you think is “financially right” and what the company is doing to “cut corners”.

   Value conflicts are very difficult to resolve. After all, compromise is somewhat ridiculous. On the corporate finance issue, you can’t “afford everything”.

   Your best choice, in the beginning stages of value conflict resolution, is to stop trying to convince the other person that you’re right and they’re wrong. Instead, spend your energy on trying to understand how the other person came to their value conclusions. Explore their reasoning. Behind every value is a set of thoughts and feelings that are the underpinnings of that value.

   In so doing, you reduce the emotional acid in your communication and in your relationship. You open the door to finding some common ground. You may find that both sides want to be profitable. When you re-frame your conflict in those ways, your disagreement becomes one of methodology rather than morality.

   Bottom Line: There are only two ways you can go in conflict. If you’re going in the direction of “who’s right and who’s wrong”, your outcome will probably be destructive. If you’re focused on “what are we going to do about it”, you’ll be on your way to constructive conflict resolution.

Make this week the week you decide to give up the “avoid” and the “attack” styles of conflict resolution. Decide to use the “approach” style.

Guest Author:

As a best-selling author and Hall of Fame professional speaker, Dr. Alan Zimmerman has worked with more than a million people, helping them become more effective communicators on and off the job.

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